Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘death’ Category

I’ve been very quiet on this site over the past few months and it’s not just because I’ve been busy with writing or travelling or recovering from one bug or another. It’s because I’ve been stopping myself from saying what I’m about to write.

I’ve been a hospice volunteer for 16 and a half years. That’s a long time – and I proudly tell people about it at every opportunity I get. When I tell someone at hospice (usually a family member who asks how long I’ve been there) that I’ve been volunteering this long, they are always amazed – not at how wonderful I am (though of course I am – hahaha!) but at what a good place the hospice must be to have such dedicated volunteers. I suspect those readers of this blog who are volunteers have had the same experience.

But – and here’s the but I’ve not been writing about – increasingly I’ve come to question what my role at the hospice really is. As I’ve written before, one of the reasons I chose to volunteer in the residence was because I wanted to be part of a team. As an introvert and a writer (they do often go together I find!), I spend a lot of time alone. And I felt reassured that I would be working with a community of volunteers and staff to care for residents and their families.

In the early years, that is exactly how it felt. I still remember my Monday morning shifts. My “buddy” Alex and I  would arrive at 9 for our shift and invariably one of the staff would say something like, “Oh it’s Monday – I knew it would be a good day because you two would be on with me!” And I felt instantly appreciated. Often I’d get a hug when I arrived, and a thank you hug as I left to start the rest of my day.

Very often now, when I arrive, no one says hello. I sit with the volunteer I’m relieving and we do our report. She’s always happy to see me, so in that way I feel welcomed. But more often than not, a staff member will come into the room while we’re doing report and tell us of a lunch order, or someone who needs juice, or a task that needs doing. I’ve developed a self-protective habit of not going to do anything until I have familiarized myself with who is in the residence and what their needs and abilities are. And because as I’ve aged over the years (how did that happen?) I can’t remember the food orders as easily, so I will ask the staff member to write it down for me or to wait until I’ve done with what I’m doing.

Many weeks now, I find myself caught up in cooking, cleaning, emptying and loading the dishwasher, and find that at the end of my shift I haven’t had time to sit with a single patient. I might have talked briefly with a family member while I’m making someone’s lunch, but I haven’t really had time to engage in a “real” conversation or to let them know that I am really there for them, that that’s the most important thing I can be doing.

I recognize that once the “pioneering” days are over, institutions can become more routinized, with tasks being divided up in a silo manner, with each role having a specific set of tasks, and very little sharing of tasks happening between people. So, getting juice or ice water or tea or food are all tasks of the volunteer – even if that volunteer happens to be sitting with a dying person or talking to a distraught family member.

To me that seems like we’ve somehow lots a sense of real role and value of hospice volunteers. We are not (or shouldn’t be) unpaid personal support workers or cooks or cleaners – though I don’t think any of those tasks is somehow “beneath” me. I believe we are at hospice to support dying people and their families. We bring a wealth of experience – at work and in life – that can serve the people who come to our hospice. I don’t want to feel like I’m somehow slacking off if I spend a little extra time talking to a volunteer or to a family member. And at times, I’ve felt that some staff see my “merely” sitting as just that – wasting time.

Over the years, and especially lately, other volunteers have shared these concerns with me. Being an old-timer, I’m not afraid to share our concerns with the volunteer coordinator or other senior administrative staff. Though I’ve found a sympathetic ear, I’ve never seen any real change happen. And it leaves me, frankly, discouraged.

I still tell others what an amazing place the hospice is. I write and publish work that advocates for the expansion of hospice and palliative care services. But this nagging feeling remains. So I’m writing this today because I don’t want to remain silent any more. Perhaps some of you can offer guidance, ideas, or advice. I look forward to hearing from you. And I feel better for having finally written this!

Read Full Post »

Last year I talked about an online course I was taking called dying2learn. It’s completely online, with videos, lessons, stories, and questions to ponder and respond to. I thoroughly enjoyed taking it – so stress, no exams, just a large community of people learning and sharing together. It’s international (the people who organize and run the class are in Australia) but through the wonders of the internet, people from all over the world join in!

If you’re interested in finding a place to share your thoughts, learn more about death and dying (including different traditions and cultures), and challenge (perhaps) some of your assumptions, I strongly urge you to sign up!

https://www.openlearning.com/courses/dying2learn2018/

The link to join is on the upper right hand side of the opening screen – just click on sign up! And let me know what you think!!!

Read Full Post »

For those of you who are curious about why I wrote this report, here’s the introductory note I wrote to explain what had changed between 2013 (when I wrote the first report) and 2018 when this report was released:

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
MARY OLIVER, “THE SUMMER DAY”

When I wrote the first edition of this report in 2013, Contemporary Family Trends: Death, Dying and Canadian Families, I could not have imagined how much the circumstances around death and dying would change in a few short years. While I knew that efforts were under way to legalize what I termed “assisted suicide” in the 2013 edition, I did not anticipate the Supreme Court ruling in Carter v. Canada in 2015, nor the passage of Quebec’s Bill 52 and Bill C-14 that legalized medical assistance in dying (MAID) in June 2016. Although the issues surrounding medically assisted dying are not fully resolved, MAID is legal across Canada (under certain circumstances), and to date more than 2,600 people have obtained medical assistance in dying.

Despite opposition from some organizations and individuals, it appears that most Canadians have come to accept MAID as a fact of life (and, of course, death). There can be little doubt, however, that the silence surrounding death and dying with which I opened my previous report has – to a degree – been broken.

Today, we see countless news articles, television and radio programs, and a vast number of accounts of death and dying experiences every day – and not just about MAID.  Whether it’s stories about reclaiming death (e.g. death doulas, green burials, living funerals), coverage of the “slow medicine” movement resisting highly medicalized geriatric and end-of-life care, or the debate surrounding legislation such as Bill C-277, An Act Providing for the Development of a Framework on Palliative Care in Canada, it’s clear that change is in the air.

How have these changes affected Canadians’ experiences of death and dying? Certainly nothing so earth-shattering as an end of death itself has occurred. What has been the impact of these developments on families across Canada? How do factors of race, indigeneity, income, location, gender and sexual identity, among others, continue to determine people’s experiences of death?

Despite the significant evolution in the conversations on death and dying, most Canadians approach death with some measure of fear, ignorance and dread. Thus, major sections from the 2013 edition of this report remain substantially the same, with updated information and statistics. Most people still wish they could avoid death. For the most part, Canadians have not heeded Mary Oliver’s sage advice to embrace each day of our “one wild and precious life.”

For the full report, click this link: http://vanierinstitute.ca/death-becoming-less-taboo/

Read Full Post »

It’s been a bit of a whirlwind this week with the release of the report on Monday and four radio interviews that morning (all before 8:20 in the morning!). It’s been wonderful sharing the report with people and initiating conversations about the importance of talking about death and dying.

On Thursday, I attended the annual palliative care education day in Ottawa. The keynote speaker was Jeremie Saunders (founder of the amazing podcast Sickboy). If you haven’t had a chance to hear Jeremie speak, I strongly advise that you check out the podcast. You can find it on I-Tunes (or wherever you get your podcasts). So far Jeremie and his co-hosts have interviewed 140 different people about the impact of their illness on their lives. Jeremie lives with cystic fibrosis, and his story and his energy, passion, and truth-telling is truly inspiring. And laugh out loud funny! Please check him out!

Today I attended Grand Rounds at the Hospice where I volunteer. Jeremie was the speaker there as well, and though I had just heard him yesterday, I enjoyed every single minute of his talk. His key AHA moments as he calls them:

  1. Be vulnerable.
  2. Life is too short for small talk.
  3. Your Actions CAN change the world.

A pretty great way to end the week!

 

 

Read Full Post »

The report is out! Here’s the link: Family Perspectives: Death and Dying in Canada

It’s wonderful to have it launched on the first day of Hospice Palliative Care Week!

Enjoy!

Read Full Post »

Late last year I did an interview with Dr. Karen Wyatt, a hospice physician, speaker, author, and founder of End of Life University – a series of interviews with key figures in what has been called a movement to reclaim death and dying. The interview was great fun, as we shared our common passion for end of life care. I felt like I was having a conversation with a close friend (though we have never met!), so connected are we to improving end of life care in our two countries, and throughout the world.

Have a listen, and let me know what you think! Please feel free to share with your colleagues, friends, and fellow hospice volunteers.

http://www.eoluniversity.com/apps/blog/show/45144022-lessons-from-a-hospice-volunteer-with-katherine-arnup-phd

Read Full Post »

https://www.thespec.com/living-story/8077999-in-denial-about-death/

When I was doing research for my book “I don’t have time for this!” I created a number of google alerts on death and dying, palliative care, medical aid in dying, and elderly parents. I’ve kept those alerts active and, as a result, I receive a daily digest of all the relevant Canadian media items on these topics. I realize this probably makes me seem even weirder than I probably already did, but it’s given me access to articles and news stories I would not otherwise have seen.

The link above is one such story – a fulsome and thoughtful article about the impact our culture’s fear and denial of death is having on the institutions (hospitals, long term care homes etc.) and families in society – and the crisis it will create in the not-too-distant future. I urge you to read it – and to consider the impact that those of us who are involved in hospice care are having in breaking the silence around death and dying.

On another note, I’d like to welcome all the new followers to this blog, many of whom hail from countries where the fear of death is not so prominent. I would love to hear from followers new and not so new, about your own experiences of death and dying. Feel free to comment here – if  you have something more lengthy that you might wish to contribute, please send it my way so that I can consider including it on this blog.

If you’ve just happened upon this blog for the first time, please consider following it – there should be a button near the bottom right corner where you can click. I promise I will not be flooding your inbox. Also, feel free to scroll through the archive of postings and respond to topics from the past.

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Te Arai Research Group

Palliative Care & End of Life Research - New Zealand

Hospice is Not a Dirty Word

-A Hospice Nurse Speaks

volunteerplaintalk

where volunteer managers talk

Ellen Symons

Poetry, essays, and various forms of nature reports

Last Comforts

Notes from the Forefront of Late-Life Care

offbeatcompassion

Offbeat stories and essays about what people facing loss ponder, value, and believe.

Your Own Good Death

life matters- talk about death

Jane Eaton Hamilton

"I write not because I am courageous but because I am afraid. I discover my courage in the writing, and am no longer silenced by fear." -Kerry Beth Neville

Ottawa Citizen

Ottawa Latest News, Breaking Headlines & Sports

BIRTH AND DEATH AND IN BETWEEN

Reflections from my life as a mother, grandmother, midwife, farmer, buddhist, teacher, vagabond and hospice nurse...

The fragile and the wild

Ethics, ecology and other enticements for a stalled writer

Rampant with Memory

completed moments stamped

Heart Poems

How poetry can speak to you

Linda Vanderlee • Living Aligned

Personal, Leadership & Team Development

Writingalife's Blog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

yourcoachingbrain

Just another WordPress.com site

Hospice Volunteering

A blog about volunteering in hospice care

EAPC Blog

The Blog of the European Association for Palliative Care